Some Lesser known Units of Measure

The year was 1960. The 60’s were going to start and all the cool kids were looking forward to all the weed and woodstock that would follow.  Elsewhere though more serious matters were being discussed by the Système international d'unités and from that momentous meeting we got the following measures and unitsmetre,kilogram, second, ampere,kelvin,candela,mole. These measures are now widely accepted in the world,  however certain independent rebellious countries still exist that proudly defend their national right to stupidity by refusing to adopt these standards. Principal exceptions are Burma Liberia and the United States ( vive le revolution )

However my personal belief ( supported by my personal dreams ) is that the committee left out a whole range of major measures and units. We therefore present a number of  measures we want the committee to consider adopting  by the year end

1) One Sarah Jessica Parker ( symbol: sjp ) is the unit of measure for anti-arousal. One sjp is the amount of anti-arousal needed to completely counter the effects of 1 Viagra. One sjp is composed of a 100 Julia Roberts ( 1sjp = 100 jr )

2) One Joe Lieberman ( symbol LOSER ) is the unit of measure for deuschbaggery. It is defined as the amount of deuschbaggery needed to cause the Dalai Lama to throw stuff at the person. It is composed of a 100 BillOReillys A KiloLieberman is also sometimes referred to as a Limbaugh

3) One Sarah Palin ( symbol sp ) is the NEW unit of measure of vapidity. The sp has officially replaced the gwb. It is defined as the amount of non-knowledge required to make the dumbest person in your life till then look smart.

Editors note : It should be noted that while some people maintain that since 1sp * 1 LOSER = 42 * sjp therefore we see that  42 = (sp*LOSER)/sjp. Also as  was proved in the elegant treatise Hitchhiker et al…  42 is the answer to everything. Thus we are left with the puzzle that if a person endowed with the vapidity of a Palin were to multiply ie mate with someone with the deuschbaggery of a lieberman and the  product of that union were divided by ( that is multiplied by the reciprocal )  of a sjp then would that person in essence be the answer to everything. Pending research , this has been called the Conjecture of Everything . The conjecture was recently adopted  into cinematic form with some limited success as Avataar

4)   One MorganFreeman ( symbol mf ) is the unit of perpetual youth, although more accurately is a measure of the rate of change of perceived aging.One Freeman is when the rate reaches zero. This is a somewhat controversial unit , purists have insisted since this is a both a limit process and perceived value it is not a real measure but eff em.

5) One Haiti( symbol ht ) is the new unit of natural disasters. It is defined as a magnitude of suffering that cause me to consider a charitable donation