Zumba: From the Latin for “ to make a fool of yourself in public while being simultaneously aware of your pelvis in ways you have never been aware of before “.
So our local gym offers Zumba in two flavours , there's the paid , “if you have some sense of rhythm and wont make an absolute ass of yourself” version ( Yes!! this would be the one where the instructor looked at me and went “Er yes certainly well that is to say if you must participate well I mean I suppose technically er that is , I mean we could dim the lights, ha ha , or maybe you could stand in the corner and not move too much my dear fellow” when I asked him if this was the Zumba class.)
In sooth verily as the man said it is better to give than receive for when I gave him the news that I was asking for someone else and not me his relief was a joy to behold , made me feel like Santa Claus it did
And then there is the Fridays Night Free Zumba or as I like to call it “Darwin’s Theory explained in 15 easy pelvic Thrusts aka the strong will whirl and twirl the weak not so much”
Some months ago after some incredible arm twisting ( we’re talking “ if you love you then you would” arm twisting ) I consented to drop in on one of these Friday night shindigs. It did not go well.
<Editors Note: For privacy issues as well as our ongoing commitment to a cleaner nobler America and so that we may continue to support any and all efforts to save the kids , the actual events of the class have been regretfully censored>.
As a PSA I decided to categorize most of the participants there
< Editors Note: The author has assured us that his wife has a separate category ( the incredibly gorgeous one ) and so does not fit into any of the categories discussed below>
i) The Crazies I mean super passionate: These are the people who turn up early so that they can get a spot right up front to ahem “observe the instructors foot moments” a little better. While more study is required the author is convinced these are the same people who sat in the first bench during school and kept raising their hands when asked rhetorical questions during presentations.
ii) The competent: Show up on alternate weeks and have a grim look of someone who is about fight a WWF match but don't remember who was supposed to win . Every once in a while members of this group will show some flair and instead of treating a twirl as a structured 360 moment without losing balance will add a nice pelvic moment at the end. On certain occasions show a sense of “rhythm” as well . Some members of this group will eventually migrate to Group i
iii) Humans are born with a sense of rhythm and refutation thereof: This would be the group , which if I worked really hard like for a few years, I might get admission into, currently they keep mumbling about not being a good cultural fit
iv) The looky-loos : Toned women bending and grinding....MEN !!! ‘nuff said
Oh Well…
but since that night on quite a few occasions when I am feeling low and blue I stroll over to the viewing area to watch people Zumba( see Latin defn above ) and cheer myself up .
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