STANDARD DISCLAIMER

Everything in this blog is my opinion and does not in any way, shape, or form represent the opinion or officially stated position of Microsoft, Google , or Kim Jong Il
this is fairly obvious when one considers I have no official capacity in any of these organizations.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

In which we meet a MSFT Technical Fellow

The other day I was at the MSFT store ( it happens ) and I buying a phone ( see here why this actually was a good idea ).

The salesgirl ( assuming that is still the politically correct term or are we doing “economic stimulus facilitator “ now , who can tell ) was your usual bubbly, fake smile till it hurts , completely technically illiterate person( we’ll just call her Tiffany/Amber or T&A it makes things easier ) but it was’nt that bad, I knew what I wanted and there was very little um scope for her to screw anything up

Regardless T&A somehow managed to get something wrong and next thing I knew she was like “Can you wait for about five minutes,they’re getting the phone out from back”

So we waited chatted and as is often the case ( without sounding like an ass ) I had her laughing out loud ( not the emoticon the real thing) in pretty quick order

The phone arrived and it turned out getting ATT to do the right thing in terms of a discount was somewhat beyond T&A’s training . So naturally Bob or Dick or Jim or some such dude “the one somewhat technically aware fellow” ( oh so that's what Technical fellow at MSFT means eh !) was summoned with batted eyelash and heaving bosom .

Next thing I know the  MSFT technical fellow was battling furiously with the ATT website ( it was like watching gladiator with better lighting and even better music ) while me  and T&A  were still making giggleworthy small talk

At this point enter the white pasty MSFT uber geek from stage right . He walks up to us and well in about a minute establishes himself as a total asshole which really was quite impressive.

During the whole time he would like say something to t&a then look away stare at his phone etc and then he finally bought something . At this point we moved into the truly “can you actually behave like this in public” scenario

The girl asked him a series of questions (annoying ones to be sure like “Do you have an email address with us “ ) to which this guy replies in the most rude way possible without being actually rude BUT the whole fucking time the guy is like glued to his phone and typing away furiously .

Does not even look at her once; like not even close and his answers get shorter and curter till it feels like he is exclusively talking in acronyms only .
I’m watching the whole thing ( while making encouraging noises to the technical fellow)  and the girl is getting redder and redder and more upset by the second while the guy either through sheer cluelessness or pure deutschbaggery continues to treat her like a very boring piece of furniture that should be in a garage sale soon

The idiot leaves. My TF wins the battle with ATT does some sort of victory lap and leaves to fetch my phone

The girl and I are looking at each other and she is clearly so fucking pissed that she is close to tears, undoubtedly she wants to say so much but this is her job I am a total stranger and you know whatever!

I commiserate with her “They can’t be all that bad yeah”

Note to self : always be prepared that people will answer a rhetorical question

She gives me like a half smile and goes “Most are”

“I’m a person you know!  just look at me when you talk to me how hard can that be”

and she ranted for a while, boy did she rant, and it was not angry it was just fucking sad !

I got the phone and left

Like everyone else I am absolutely certain I have been guilty of prioritizing my phone screen over the person I talk to . I’ve tried very hard to be mindful of this since then ( almost definitely like every other resolution to be a better person in my life it won’t last )and have caught myself twice doing this twice since, once at the  gym ( well I was there for the Jacuzzi) with the person checking me in  and once at the bank while depositing a cheque ( in my defense in both cases someone was wrong about something on Face book and it was clearly critical that I respond instantly )

I am not even going to count how people behave around people they know,  with their phones. Its just baffling how insanely rude most of us are about this and how we just accept it . How is that damn screen more important than a real human being trying to interact with you . I am not trying to be all holier than thou here I am as guilty of this (more so probably )as everyone , but if you step back and think about it , it is pretty amazing and not exactly in a good way

Like everything else on this blog there is almost no point to be made here, but I did get to see how someone, who deals with people, who just don't even bother to hide the fact that they ( people) don’t care about said person existing or not ( or at least behave like it ) everyday actually feels about it . WAS NOT PRETTY !

er although if you are reading this on your phone please don’t stop :-)

<insert joke here to end on happy note>

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Challenge Accepted !

A bunch of people on my face book feed are participating in some sort of 30 day abs challenge ( yes it sounds exactly as painful and pointless as it is ). Apparently you subject various parts of your body to all sorts of indignation and then realize the true six pack is the one that you buy at the store

But that got me thinking , a 30 challenge is not a bad idea for all sorts of obvious and non obvious reasons

SO I will be attending a 30 day hair growth challenge . Schedule for the first week is  as follows . Weeks two three and four ( plus an extra two or three days will follow )

Day 1 : Observe hair growing at every possible opportunity. Comb when required or when bored or both

Day 2 :  Shampoo hair . Use conditioner Lather and Rinse BUT DO NOT REPEAT .

Day 3:   Pick out your favourite hair . Name it . Now give it a nickname. Introduce it to at least three strangers and two friends

Day 4: Repeat Day 1  but this time pretend you do not care whether your hair grows or not . Use fake laughter to bolster your fake feelings

Day 5 : Recommend hair cuts to everyone else participating in the challenge. Deny any ulterior motive .

Day 6 : Watch TV read a book solve world hunger but don't get carried away by trying to solve world peace as well

Day 7 : Attempt to battle depression as all your hair does not grow at the same rate. Change your conditioner but half way through your shower weep inconsolably and bitterly as the changed conditioner serves as a metaphor for all impermanence and the lie that is monogamy. Switch back to the original conditioner only to realize that it is not longer as satisfying. Exit the shower trip fall but get up again. Smile at your willpower !  ( rush back into the bathroom to wear your clothes

Monday, May 26, 2014

Farewell to Arms Part Deux


We have already discussed certain cell phone specific trials and tribulations here (http://rahul-chandran.blogspot.com/2010/11/farewell-to-arms-aka-great-smart-phone.html)
But why stop now !
So anyway
Most people( as in those who are lucky enough to know me , not in the world ) either have an iPhone ( the damned and  HAHAAHAHA Safari (l)users ) or an Android phone ( witty, charming, forward looking, independent thinkers ) and a vanishingly small number have a Windows Phone ( hapless MSFT employee ) .
Without fail though everyone in each camp can easily point to something totally idiotic in the other ecosystems and awesome about their own ( Editors Note : What do you mean damned I think you meant creative )
But in the shadowy world of betwixt and between and in the cracks and edges of the normal well ordered multiverse ever so often hic sunt dracones…..( Editors Note: Oh for god’s sake dragons really !!! )
Sometime ago I switched to a Nexus ( android ) and honestly was fairly happy with , in fact very happy with it . It’s integration with the GOOG ecosystem and the Now feature all add up to a super nice experience

And then MSFT released their new phone build with inbuilt Swype and Cortana and a host of other improvements (ATT was offering a deal which when combined with the tax break us job creators are entitled to ) it was practically free
So of course I grabbed it ( Nokia 1520 size matters edition )
I loved it!! like its pretty great especially Office and a bunch of other stuff including  the screen size but…. no apps at least not the ones I want and more importantly new ones are always written for android first ( Yes I know Satya has  a plan )

But wait wait I have a nexus too . Soon I found myself doing something very interesting , I am using the Nexus as my phone ( voice ) and for apps that I must have ( primarily the Sirius XM app but also maps voice etc) and I have tethering always turned on . ( which because the Nexus was unlocked and not in cahoots with ATT , ATT seems to have no clue about , viv le revolution , absolutely ! )
The Nokia device tethers to the android device and I use it for all things Office and Netflix ( 6 inches its just awesome ) and some other MSFT stuff , also shopping at AMZN

Initially I felt like a total idiot forward thinking genius carrying two phones but now  I don't even think about it anymore.
Which brings up to the following points

  • Now that I have created the road map for world peace in the Smartphone wars can I get a Nobel. In the years to come one can already see the TV pundits wisely nodding and pontificating “Well yes my dear chap two phones , don't you see it was right there staring at us the solution but it took a particular kind of genius to just go with it you know “
  • If not a Nobel can I patent this in any way . Well ok I probably wasn't the first person to think of this but I mean after rounded rectangles is “first” even a thing anymore
  • Can we pass legislation to make it illegal to tout your phone and or criticize someone else’s unless you own two phones ( thus it is ok and ethical and in fact required almost for me to point what a colossal joke the iPhone is )
  • Barring cost the surface 3 may not be the worst idea in the world ( someone has to explain to me why a thinner surface is meaningless to the tech press but every time APPL shaves a nanometer off of a bezel or something there is a collective mulorgy ( multiple orgasmic orgy) in the tech community
  • IFF they can get people to write apps for WinPhone it will stay a formidable competitor may even get to 5% or something :-) .
  • In case someone does not realize it I might as well point it out Owning three phones is really stupid !