Einstein , and the annual review

AT MSFT , like most other corporations , they have what they call a level for all employees . It is numerical thing that basically completely defines you and establishes your worth  ( yes sad I know ). Some levels however are quite special viz levels 62 64 and 67.
These are what I call the “Nope no lubricant for you today either” levels . You see 63 is a senior level 65 Principal and 68 be partner laddie.

Clearly these levels must be insanely desirable I can think of no other reason why the ( 62,64,67) folks put up with the insane BS that they have to , to get to the blessed levels .

However what is often lost in all this, is the incredible hardships the managers of the lube free levels have to put up with .
Imagine if you will,  you have a level 64 working for you . You know that   (s)he hates you for no other reason than that fact that nominally at least you are depriving him of getting to blissvana and you have to constantly keep coming with creative reasons why you are not promoting them.( you will find this story works just as well if you have a level 62/67 working for you )
Well be of good cheer manager people I will now tell you an inspirational story , that you may use as you see fit to deal with the employees who are constantly clamouring for recognition and promotions ( sometimes at the same time )

In 1905 Albert Einstein  worked as a technical assistant, level III in the patent office in Berne.
It is not very clear what exactly Einstein achieved at work during that year however in what can be only considered a remarkable achievement by Google’s 20% self improvement principle and Steve Jobs  ( what ! he is responsible for all awesomeness don’t you know ) he did manage to do some useful work outside of his immediate scope and visibility . Amongst other things Einstein authored in that one year( bolding mine )

1. Concerning an Heuristic Point of View Toward the Emission and Transformation of Light
       Explanation of the photoelectric effect with use of the quantum hypothesis of Planck. Light is a flow of corpuscular objects with definite energies - Planck's quanta of energy.
2. On the Movement of Small Particles Suspended in Stationary Liquids Required by the Molecular-Kinetic Theory of Heat.
   explained Brownian motion, the unpredictable movement of tiny particles, as a result of the molecular action hypothesized by atomic theory
3. On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies.
      Invention of the theory of special relativity. Beginnings of the relativistic era in physics.
4. Does the Inertia of a Body Depend upon its Energy Content?     Invention of the theory of special relativity, E = mc2. Beginnings of the relativistic era in physics

This story has a happy ending for you see in 1906 after some sort of review process, Albert Einstein was promoted to  technical assistant, level II in the  patent office . ( In later years of course he was a complete failure at the patent office never reaching level 1 and eventually quitting but why go into all that now )

So when your annoying report keeps pestering you about what they need to do , to get promoted, always remember what Einstein had to do ! ( and and remind them as well otherwise…. )

Whose Rights !!

Consider a banker oh even a florist say
A small business owner you know the kind that Indiana republicans love to worship.

Now it is possible that this business owner has not incorporated in some way ( S corp LLC what have you ) but the chances of that are oh so so rare that we can ignore it for the purposes of this argument .)

The standard right wing (and libertarian trope ) is this bullshit idea that the business owner should have rights to association blah blah blah and should be able at the end of the day to be a bigot and or a racist and refuse to serve anyone

I wholeheartedly agree, the business owner should have that right 100% absolutely

But and this is where I think a lot of arguments miss the point what about the business itself , does it have the rights to be a bigot?

Wait !!! what you say?
Come I will hide nothing from you , follow me if you will…

SCENARIO 1

A customer walks in one day slips on a piece of  a used condom ( well I guess a wet floor would be more likely though ) proceeds to go sailing through the air rather spectacularly lands on his\her ass  and discovers that real life is nothing like a cartoon and  promptly needs surgery

After consulting with a friendly attorney ( better call saul ) this customer sues!

Question : who do you think gets sued , has liability  and has to pay in the event of losing the case. That’s right kids if you guessed the business go to the front of the class

SCNEARIO 2 : The small business owner takes a business loan and then finds out there is no market whatever for naked overweight male housecleaners. Defaults on his\her loan.
This is not problem for the bank because you know they can go after the business owners personal asset\house etc

BZZZZZZ ! GO to Jail DO not pass GO DO not collect 200!!

Turns out that since the business took the loan EVEN THOUGH the small biz owner made all the decisions and boy were they some decisions , the owner has complete limited liability and can the business can ( in many cases should ) promptly declare bankruptcy and get out of the debt with nary a problem

Now to be clear Limited Liability is a very very good thing ( I say this as someone who has been sued ). But lets ask our self what this means, it means if a gay person lends ( you don’t have to be gay for this example to work BTW  ) a baker friend of his money and the baker is like “Well just make out the cheque to OverNighTunaSandwichBakery it just makes the book keeping ally nice and tidy “ , and then it turns out an overnight tuna sandwich place which does not do delivery,  typically goes broke in no time.

Why in that case the gay friend is just plain out of luck . He can keep trying to tell everyone that he lent money to a friend so he should be able to get the money back from his friend but the law will chuckle at his naivety   and refer him to the notion of limited liability

Which brings us back to “Whose rights” are we talking about exactly here

When it suits the business owner apparently its ok to say “Yeah no, I know you spoke to me , and gave me money but I mean if you think about it corporate personhood my dear fellow  so You know I am not really my business you see”

But on the other hand when it comes to not serving someone  “yeah no that’s  all me and I own my business so I damn well get to say who gets in and who gets out”

So I will make a deal with all business owners ( it should be noted that this deal is somewhat limited in scope given the legislative and executive authority I posses but still )

Your business gets to be a bigot ( sorry share in your values )with you if your assets and the business assets also get to have joint liability

As long as you keep claiming those two are separate you have given up on any right to insist your business has the right to discriminate

Its really that simple !!!

Schezwan oops Swan Lake !

The wife( blessed be her name and blessed be her works ) has been through many a subtle and some totally non subtle ways , been pointing out for a few years now that Seattle has quite the decent cultural scene and we really should go watch some ballet or something .

So finally decided, last Saturday  what they hey , you never know , broaden horizons blah blah blah and we decided to catch Swan Lake

To paraphrase Jim Hacker ( if you don’t know who that is well , I mean that is to say hmmm) it was a thoroughly enjoyable evening , great music , people desperately trying to be taller than they were on stage, delightful food , yummy bubbly , all very well dressed folks it was very cool

We did the whole box seats things only to discover that next time stick to the orchestra level . Place was really really packed had no idea this was so popular

 

 

Here are two important fact about the ballet dancers which I picked up all on my own

i) If you are a ballerina you are not allowed to have a pair of boobies. Apparently cup size is something that you don’t mention or bring up at all

ii) If you are a male ballet dancer then it is considered unacceptable to have a gluteus Maximus, instead you are obliged to posses a “GLUTEUS MAXIMUS MAXIMUS”. It is almost impossible to describe the ahem costume( s ) . Yeah no, no pics!

The other like cool thing was every once in a while you would hear something in the music you were you sure you had heard in some popular Hindi song of yesteryear , some of the musical pieces really were quite excellent

I am hesitant to say this in a public forum but yeah we probably have to do this again , had an awesome time !

Why I never! It’s tax day again

A friend of mine ( fine ex boss   ) made a claim around tax day that he thinks of corporate inversion ( a la Apple MSFT GOOG et al …) to be tax evasion

I don’t and furthermore this year really do want to try tax inversion

But leaving that aside I find this whole notion of tax evasion when legal very interesting

Unlike some on the right or the libertarian science fiction dabblers I am not anti tax just because. I am not even anti tax at all lets face it taxes get us lots of awesome things like the internet and 911 both of which have quite literally been life changing for me

However those of us on the left who accept taxes as the um tax you pay for a civil society should also be honest enough to accept that the structural way in which taxes are set up ( if there is one thing I could change it would be tax withholding ) lead to some deep misunderstandings about what we pay for and what we get and pretty much allow govt to get away with a lot of waste

In many ways tax policy is really well um more visible in the states because they cannot run a deficit or print money.Red states like Kansas and Wisconsin are doing every one a great service by providing massive tax cuts to the wealthy and slashing services to make up the deficit. There will come a point when the populace wakes up to the fact that hey what happened to all those nice things the guvmint used to do OR THEY MIGHT NOT which is great too . If a people decide they would rather not pay taxes and have bare bone services that is great too . For example I think in Topeka or Trenton some time ago the cops simply stopped taking on domestic abuse cases and responding to calls unless an eyewitness was present because you know … no money ( that’s right senator sharia law is coming though not quite how you imagined )

But and this is important if you need to raise money through increasing taxes one of the things in theory a legislature should look at is closing loopholes and or special deductions ( yes I know this rarely happens ) . However things get really out of whack if just a few people use a deduction or loophole. That way lies irrational tax policy for these loopholes are on no ones radar neither do they generate any sort of public outrage . The only way a loophole\deduction becomes untenable or worth looking at ( in terms of taking away as opposed to raising taxes on everyone ) is if lots and lots of people use that loophole

The dollar amount of your tax obligation is the end result of a myriad of policy and law. IMO it is everyone’s duty and right to use EVERY legal mean available to them to come up with the LOWEST amount possible to pay. That is one of the few few limited levers  we have as citizens to try and have some say in tax policy . if everyone does this and that means we have fewer services then good legislators will need to look at which loopholes to remove or to raise taxes or something else

Not looking at how to manage your taxes in order to pay anything more than you owe is quite silly to put it mildly!

In which we meet a MSFT Technical Fellow

The other day I was at the MSFT store ( it happens ) and I buying a phone ( see here why this actually was a good idea ).

The salesgirl ( assuming that is still the politically correct term or are we doing “economic stimulus facilitator “ now , who can tell ) was your usual bubbly, fake smile till it hurts , completely technically illiterate person( we’ll just call her Tiffany/Amber or T&A it makes things easier ) but it was’nt that bad, I knew what I wanted and there was very little um scope for her to screw anything up

Regardless T&A somehow managed to get something wrong and next thing I knew she was like “Can you wait for about five minutes,they’re getting the phone out from back”

So we waited chatted and as is often the case ( without sounding like an ass ) I had her laughing out loud ( not the emoticon the real thing) in pretty quick order

The phone arrived and it turned out getting ATT to do the right thing in terms of a discount was somewhat beyond T&A’s training . So naturally Bob or Dick or Jim or some such dude “the one somewhat technically aware fellow” ( oh so that's what Technical fellow at MSFT means eh !) was summoned with batted eyelash and heaving bosom .

Next thing I know the  MSFT technical fellow was battling furiously with the ATT website ( it was like watching gladiator with better lighting and even better music ) while me  and T&A  were still making giggleworthy small talk

At this point enter the white pasty MSFT uber geek from stage right . He walks up to us and well in about a minute establishes himself as a total asshole which really was quite impressive.

During the whole time he would like say something to t&a then look away stare at his phone etc and then he finally bought something . At this point we moved into the truly “can you actually behave like this in public” scenario

The girl asked him a series of questions (annoying ones to be sure like “Do you have an email address with us “ ) to which this guy replies in the most rude way possible without being actually rude BUT the whole fucking time the guy is like glued to his phone and typing away furiously .

Does not even look at her once; like not even close and his answers get shorter and curter till it feels like he is exclusively talking in acronyms only .
I’m watching the whole thing ( while making encouraging noises to the technical fellow)  and the girl is getting redder and redder and more upset by the second while the guy either through sheer cluelessness or pure deutschbaggery continues to treat her like a very boring piece of furniture that should be in a garage sale soon

The idiot leaves. My TF wins the battle with ATT does some sort of victory lap and leaves to fetch my phone

The girl and I are looking at each other and she is clearly so fucking pissed that she is close to tears, undoubtedly she wants to say so much but this is her job I am a total stranger and you know whatever!

I commiserate with her “They can’t be all that bad yeah”

Note to self : always be prepared that people will answer a rhetorical question

She gives me like a half smile and goes “Most are”

“I’m a person you know!  just look at me when you talk to me how hard can that be”

and she ranted for a while, boy did she rant, and it was not angry it was just fucking sad !

I got the phone and left

Like everyone else I am absolutely certain I have been guilty of prioritizing my phone screen over the person I talk to . I’ve tried very hard to be mindful of this since then ( almost definitely like every other resolution to be a better person in my life it won’t last )and have caught myself twice doing this twice since, once at the  gym ( well I was there for the Jacuzzi) with the person checking me in  and once at the bank while depositing a cheque ( in my defense in both cases someone was wrong about something on Face book and it was clearly critical that I respond instantly )

I am not even going to count how people behave around people they know,  with their phones. Its just baffling how insanely rude most of us are about this and how we just accept it . How is that damn screen more important than a real human being trying to interact with you . I am not trying to be all holier than thou here I am as guilty of this (more so probably )as everyone , but if you step back and think about it , it is pretty amazing and not exactly in a good way

Like everything else on this blog there is almost no point to be made here, but I did get to see how someone, who deals with people, who just don't even bother to hide the fact that they ( people) don’t care about said person existing or not ( or at least behave like it ) everyday actually feels about it . WAS NOT PRETTY !

er although if you are reading this on your phone please don’t stop :-)

<insert joke here to end on happy note>

Challenge Accepted !

A bunch of people on my face book feed are participating in some sort of 30 day abs challenge ( yes it sounds exactly as painful and pointless as it is ). Apparently you subject various parts of your body to all sorts of indignation and then realize the true six pack is the one that you buy at the store

But that got me thinking , a 30 challenge is not a bad idea for all sorts of obvious and non obvious reasons

SO I will be attending a 30 day hair growth challenge . Schedule for the first week is  as follows . Weeks two three and four ( plus an extra two or three days will follow )

Day 1 : Observe hair growing at every possible opportunity. Comb when required or when bored or both

Day 2 :  Shampoo hair . Use conditioner Lather and Rinse BUT DO NOT REPEAT .

Day 3:   Pick out your favourite hair . Name it . Now give it a nickname. Introduce it to at least three strangers and two friends

Day 4: Repeat Day 1  but this time pretend you do not care whether your hair grows or not . Use fake laughter to bolster your fake feelings

Day 5 : Recommend hair cuts to everyone else participating in the challenge. Deny any ulterior motive .

Day 6 : Watch TV read a book solve world hunger but don't get carried away by trying to solve world peace as well

Day 7 : Attempt to battle depression as all your hair does not grow at the same rate. Change your conditioner but half way through your shower weep inconsolably and bitterly as the changed conditioner serves as a metaphor for all impermanence and the lie that is monogamy. Switch back to the original conditioner only to realize that it is not longer as satisfying. Exit the shower trip fall but get up again. Smile at your willpower !  ( rush back into the bathroom to wear your clothes

Farewell to Arms Part Deux

We have already discussed certain cell phone specific trials and tribulations here (http://rahul-chandran.blogspot.com/2010/11/farewell-to-arms-aka-great-smart-phone.html)
But why stop now !
So anyway
Most people( as in those who are lucky enough to know me , not in the world ) either have an iPhone ( the damned and  HAHAAHAHA Safari (l)users ) or an Android phone ( witty, charming, forward looking, independent thinkers ) and a vanishingly small number have a Windows Phone ( hapless MSFT employee ) .
Without fail though everyone in each camp can easily point to something totally idiotic in the other ecosystems and awesome about their own ( Editors Note : What do you mean damned I think you meant creative )
But in the shadowy world of betwixt and between and in the cracks and edges of the normal well ordered multiverse ever so often hic sunt dracones…..( Editors Note: Oh for god’s sake dragons really !!! )
Sometime ago I switched to a Nexus ( android ) and honestly was fairly happy with , in fact very happy with it . It’s integration with the GOOG ecosystem and the Now feature all add up to a super nice experience

And then MSFT released their new phone build with inbuilt Swype and Cortana and a host of other improvements (ATT was offering a deal which when combined with the tax break us job creators are entitled to ) it was practically free
So of course I grabbed it ( Nokia 1520 size matters edition )
I loved it!! like its pretty great especially Office and a bunch of other stuff including  the screen size but…. no apps at least not the ones I want and more importantly new ones are always written for android first ( Yes I know Satya has  a plan )
But wait wait I have a nexus too . Soon I found myself doing something very interesting , I am using the Nexus as my phone ( voice ) and for apps that I must have ( primarily the Sirius XM app but also maps voice etc) and I have tethering always turned on . ( which because the Nexus was unlocked and not in cahoots with ATT , ATT seems to have no clue about , viv le revolution , absolutely ! )
The Nokia device tethers to the android device and I use it for all things Office and Netflix ( 6 inches its just awesome ) and some other MSFT stuff , also shopping at AMZN

Initially I felt like a total idiot forward thinking genius carrying two phones but now  I don't even think about it anymore.
Which brings up to the following points

• Now that I have created the road map for world peace in the Smartphone wars can I get a Nobel. In the years to come one can already see the TV pundits wisely nodding and pontificating “Well yes my dear chap two phones , don't you see it was right there staring at us the solution but it took a particular kind of genius to just go with it you know “
• If not a Nobel can I patent this in any way . Well ok I probably wasn't the first person to think of this but I mean after rounded rectangles is “first” even a thing anymore
• Can we pass legislation to make it illegal to tout your phone and or criticize someone else’s unless you own two phones ( thus it is ok and ethical and in fact required almost for me to point what a colossal joke the iPhone is )
• Barring cost the surface 3 may not be the worst idea in the world ( someone has to explain to me why a thinner surface is meaningless to the tech press but every time APPL shaves a nanometer off of a bezel or something there is a collective mulorgy ( multiple orgasmic orgy) in the tech community
• IFF they can get people to write apps for WinPhone it will stay a formidable competitor may even get to 5% or something :-) .
• In case someone does not realize it I might as well point it out Owning three phones is really stupid !